“I can’t code”, and other lies I’m un-learning.

I am realizing, in my mid to late twenties, that there are very specific lies embedded in my worldview and they’re destroying my life. There’s a pattern in my failures and in my successes; when I fail, it’s because I acted according to a lie, when I succeed, it’s because I heard the lie in my head and tried anyway.

Throughout my career as an English student and teacher, my brother was studying tech. I remember peering over his shoulder while he did his assignments and tests, and I was convinced that I would never understand the endless lines of code and jargon-heavy theory he worked with. There’s a little voice in my head saying, “I can’t code.” Coding is hard, that’s true, and I can’t really do hard things. I’m a soft little girl with anxiety and an addiction to Netflix. How am I supposed to learn several coding languages? I think a lot of people see tech as this inexplicable world best suited to hardcore gaming nerds and super-intelligent prodigies, like Elliot from Mr. Robot or Neo from The Matrix.

I cannot stress enough how false that is. All code is language. Can you read? Can you write? Got a computer and wifi? You can code.

Easier said than done, right? I’ve tried to learn before, and always gave up. Not enough money, not enough time, it’s too late to learn now, it’s too hard, I’m not smart enough, etc. But none of those excuses are actually true. They’re lies I believe because, most of the time, I don’t believe in myself.

Code isn’t impossible, it’s just new. The key to learning something new is the same as the key to creating something new; turn off the editor. Create something that sucks. Create a truly shitty first draft. Create a website that literally has one heading. And be proud of the act of creativity, not the creation itself. Trying is the achievement. If you tried something, started something, and saw it through until it was finished (no matter how small it is) then you did it. Yoda was right; there is no try. You either do nothing, or you do something. Trying is doing. And if you keep doing, eventually you’ll find your way.

For some reason, I recently decided to try something new. Something I didn’t think I could actually do. I bought Udacity’s UX course, which I completed, and I plan on completing their Front End course next year. All this while writing my Masters degree in English, teaching, marking, doing whatever I can to make ends meet. Every day I hear the little voice telling me I can’t do it, and I try anyway. Sometimes I fail. But I’m trying. I hope you do too.